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Ruzies gebeuren nu eenmaal, maar om ze nu te bezien als sportieve hoogtepunten gaat mij te ver.

"Weet je wat jij moet doen, Pa? Opzouten! Je doet ook nooit wat voor me."
Dat is vrij vertaald, want mijn zestienjarige dochter zei nog wel méér. Helemaal overstuur was ze, omdat het feestje op de zaterdag niet kon doorgaan omdat Pa-lief niet van plan was om drie uur 's nachts nog even naar Amersfoort te rijden om dochter-lief huiswaarts te begeleiden.
Daarmee was de ruzie begonnen.
"Wat zeg je?"
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first event of the day. The competitors are just warming up. On my right Crazy Daddy and on my left Furious Female…."
Zoon-lief zat het vanachter zijn stripverhaal gade te slaan en had zichzelf een mooie rol toegemeten.
"Drie uur in de nacht! Je denkt toch niet dat ik zo laat nog wakker blijf alleen om jou even op te halen? Kom dan om twaalf uur thuis of zo."
"Pa, dan begint het net. Je snapt er ook helemaal niks van."
"Furious Female is very strong in this competition as is shown by her opening move. Let's see if Crazy Daddy has a response. Oh, what a competitor. He is playing the "You could understand me if you tried-card. He is actually appealing to his opponent's maturity. Let's see how this will evolve. Over to you, Martha."
"Begint het net? Dat snap ik inderdaad niet, inderdáád niet. Een normaal feestje is rond twaalf uur afgelopen. Er is ook nog een dag erna."
"Pa, dat is een zondag, dan kan ik uitslapen."
"Ja, jij wel. Ik moet om tien uur in de kerk zijn."
"Die stomme kerk ook, je hebt een vrije dag, jij hoeft ook niet weg."
"From where I stand, I can see the contestants now moving to the second stage. Crazy Daddy is being challenged seriously for the first time now. Let's take a look at the situation for a moment. Furious Female has reached a level of scorn we rarely see in this competition. Her head is tilted slightly, I would estimate up to 35 degrees, and she is pulling a bilateral tongue twister. Her eyes are positively brimming with disdain. This could change everything. Will Crazy Daddy have anything to respond with? He must be careful, the judges are watching, if he shows weakness now, I think it might be all over."
"Het is heel simpel, jij gaat niet daar dat feestje en dat is niet het eind van de wereld. Je kunt geen overdreven eisen stellen. Ik ben geen taxi."
"Wow, that might be it! Yes, the judges are looking at the situation now. Let's see what they're saying. Yes, yes, it's all over! Crazy Daddy has failed the No-Sarcasm rule, and the judges are quite right. Wow, what a competitor this Furious Female is. She lured him out into the open, blocked all his objections and them she made him fumble in Sarcasm."
"Yes, Martha, we could see it all happen. Crazy Daddy has been disqualified, and I hope you can hear me now over the cheers of the crowd. He has lost this match, and I must add, again! Last week it was about a piece of clothing, where he was booted out because he said: "I wouldn't be seen alive in that dress." That cost him the match in just five minutes. We can now hear the starting horn for the second time, and it's all over. Let's hear it from Crazy Daddy himself. How rough was it this time? Did you think it would be all over so quickly?"
"Well," zei ik. "I wasn't quite prepared for that last blow. I was expecting her to show some scorn and then pleading, lots of pleading. But she managed to trick me into the Sarcasm pit, and there it was. Well played I must say."
"So, what is your next event in this tournament?"
"Well, I think it will be the nightly driving event, on the road to Amersfoort, that will be next. But I can still do some serious training before that starts at Saturday night."
"Any plans for the future?"
"My opponent is sixteen years old. I am looking forward to her reaching the mature age of eighteen. I think I will then choose another competitor."
"Yeah, me," zei mijn zoon, grinnikend.
Het was een nacht met een volle maan. En ik kon inderdaad uitslapen.